Most people don't talk about their internal journey when going through a separation. It almost feels like a taboo topic, or maybe it's just something no one thinks to talk about. And I don't understand why. Maybe it's because you so quickly become so far removed from your "past life" that you're expected to move on and not breathe any more life into it than it needs. Or maybe people just don't care so you're expected to shut it down and deal with it like everyone else. It happens so often to people every day, and we don't think to share in the struggle together. We normalize and put more weight on the "moving on" that we forget how much pain is still carried around, like a rock inside of you that you just learn to just carry around on you as added weight to your body. So here's to shedding some light on this struggle. •••
The true, obvious thing is, it's fucking hard. When you're married, it's like you're one person. You're one body that learns to move together. You can't move your right side without your left side matching rhythmically in stride. So, when you separate, it's like you physically lose a part of yourself. And somehow you have to learn to walk again and magically regrow the other half of you.
People don't understand that it's literally like starting a new life. The day I moved to Charlotte, everything changed. I was literally living a completely different life than what I'm living now. And what everyone sees on the outside is this smiling, laughing, thriving person, which, for the most part, is what I am. I am in an amazing place about myself and my life, in a place of true, radical positive change. And I love it.
But I'm not devoid of heavy emotions about my marriage. There's so much you don't expect to happen or expect to feel when you go through a separation. I never expected the tiny flashbacks of cooking around my kitchen or being able to see with a clear eye the view I had of my TV when I laid in our bed. I feel the frustration of knowing EXACTLY where something would be in my house, but not having it in the new place I live.
[Cont. In comments] - 3 hours ago