Just a few of the things that informed my relationship to self-pleasure.
Walking home after intermediate school with a group of girlfriends the topic of self pleasure popped up. Myself & a friend both started giggling, confessing that we did it. Before another friend quickly cut in & declared masturbation (& us) as totally disgusting. The view point that seemed to trump.
Narratives about masturbation for those of us assigned female at birth (AFAB), I experienced as a complete non-event.
Whilst I don’t recall any overtly negative messages about self pleasure in my family home, there were quite simply NO messages.
There, or anywhere.
The wary ‘sex-ed’ school vids & even the 'edgy' magazines like cosmo, made no mention of self-pleasure for those of us AFAB.
I personally don't remember a single message from media, education, or family, that even named self pleasure for not-dudes as a thing.
Until I found 'Sex & the City' later in life #thankssamanthajones .
So in my younger years, I explored my body in this cloud of ‘I can’t see anything that leads me to believe this is normal or allowed, so I must be weird & I defo can’t let anyone find out I am doing this cause apparently it’s disgusting & will lead me to getting mocked at school'. These fast, hidden & contracted self pleasure habits, became my relationship to my sexual self.
Which then informed the way I experienced & did sex.
The concept of relaxing my body; taking the time to really build full body pleasure; & owning self pleasure as totally normal was literally outside the capacity & safety zone of my body.
This is so real & so common.
But not how it has to be.
I started to shift this when I started examining all these untruths that I had taken on about pleasure & sexuality.
It started to shift when I expanded my pleasure-capacity by getting really intentional about centering pleasure in my life.
I am so glad you are all here exploring this with me.
I created a highly bad ass 2020 Pleasure Resolutions Workbook that will guide you through this process.
Grab yours for $30, via the link in my bio, before midday tomorrow to score a carefully crafted bonus audio practice! - 11 minutes ago