**Part 1 of 4** I'm human and I'm real. I have faults and I fail. I have strengths and I succeed. I laugh and I cry. I am anxious and carefree. Love me or hate me, I am me.
People who see my outer self might describe me as small, short, thin, tiny or Asian. People who know my inner self might use the words loyal, faith-filled, loving, sincere or kind. See the issue with the differences in adjectives?
I don't want to be defined by how I look. An arbitrary number on a scale might peg me as "average" on a meaningless chart. Prior to the past 5 or so years, I was overweight and not in a cute and chubby way. I was defined by how I looked then. I was fat-shamed for my body size. Sadly, throughout my life, I've been bullied for my race and nationality, my need for glasses, not being able to afford brand name clothes, drive an expensive car or take lavish vacations. I managed the best I could but I will carry those scars forever.
I used to think that losing weight would instantly change my life and I dreamt of finding the magic diet to make it happen overnight. Maybe I was too lazy at the time but I never tried any of the fad diets and my weight never yo-yoed. I'm not sure what changed but one day I decided I wanted to be healthier. I didn't set out to diet or lose weight but instead, I started drinking more water, eating more fruits and vegetables, getting more steps and finding ways to manage stress. My clothes started fitting differently and after about a year, somehow my body was about 70 lbs less.
It's been about 5 years since my body changed and I'm still not used to it. I see the old me in the mirror every day and I'm not sure I'll ever see the me that others see. The one thing that I do see though, is the number on the scale. I'm a numbers person and it's how my brain measures success or failure. It's ironic because while the changes were happening, I didn't focus at all on the numbers. But now that's all that I can think about.
#bodyimage #eatingstruggles #relationshipwithfood #weightlossjourney #anxiety #selflove #recoverywarrior #bodydysmorphia #bodydysmorphicdisorder #fatshaming #thinprivilege - 3 hours ago