It’s national eating disorder awareness week. I remember last #nedawareness it was not long before I went into treatment. I thought it would be a good idea to look back at my progress.
I know I tend to be a bit of a downer when I talk about my eating disorder recovery, and that’s for a couple reasons. First of all, well, recovery is hard. It’s a difficult and messy process that often feels exhausting. Another thing is that in recovery, the negative thoughts and feelings are usually more immediately noticeable than the positive changes. Plus, I’m just a negative person in general, and I don’t like to act positive when that’s not really how I feel.
However, I don’t deny the fact that while I still struggle a lot, I feel much better in comparison to when I was in my eating disorder without recovery. I don’t feel physically in pain, I have more energy, and to an extent I can eat fear foods without having harmful urges as much as I did before. Sure, the anxiety is still there, but it’s a bit easier for me to be able to stay recovery focused when I know it’s better for me and my goals in the long run.
In both of these pictures, I’m showing vulnerable parts of myself. I decided to make a colorful makeup look with the NEDA colors, not just in a spirited move towards the cause, but also because I used to love doing colorful makeup looks a lot as a form of creative expression, but after being insulted multiple times for how I look in them I became too scared to wear them out. Then I decided to show myself without makeup, which is something that terrifies me. Even posting this, I’m still scared to go out in public without makeup, because at least in this case I have control over the lighting and posing and whatnot. I look at these pictures and all I can do is point out everything “wrong” with me, and I don’t doubt the possibility that I may out of fear delete this in the future. But hey, I thought I’d at least try challenging myself this time around. - 2 minutes ago