I’m sitting on a pillow in front of my computer. I can’t make the room dark enough. It’s a futile task anyway, because I have to spend the day staring at the computer. My psychiatry shelf exam is Thursday, and today we began online didactics for neuro. I haven’t studied for psych in weeks because I’ve been too busy with the PPE drive and the state of the world, and it seems silly to imitate clinical rotations through Zoom rooms.
This migraine flare is going strong after five days. Mind you, this is a flare on top of my baseline nonstop migraine. Today during neuro didactics, we had a lecture on head pain. I was already feeling feverish, dizzy, nauseated, and very painful. Then the professor showed two pictures of what a visual aura looks like. She giggled and said she couldn’t look at them because she gets migraines. My migraine reacted so violently that I threw up.
I’m playing catch up for one rotation, trying to stay on top of another rotation, up all night worrying as my boyfriend and brother work in COVID ICU units, trying to make sense of a world that is spinning out of control while simultaneously stopped in my little quarantine bubble. Things are so big and so small and my head just hurts so badly.
Some days sourdough and homemade jam helps you cope, and some days it’s okay to absolutely not be coping. Breaks from responsibility are okay. This isn’t a sprint, and it isn’t a marathon either. It’s a messed up race against biology and systems designed to fail the most vulnerable.
It’s hard and it’s scary and if your head hurts and you’re throwing in the towel for the day along with me, I think that’s okay. - 1 hour ago