#BellLetsTalk about how sometimes we can’t talk. How sometimes it’s too goddamn hard. Our thoughts are incoherent, our minds are a blur, our mouths not strong enough, not loud enough, to speak over the wailing sound of aloneness taking us over.
This has been me for the past little while. You wouldn’t have been able to tell from looking at my social media and you probably wouldn’t have been able to tell if you saw me in person. So, let’s talk about how I can only talk after an anxious/depressive episode. It’s too goddamn hard to talk during. Let’s talk about how I opened my phone one day and realized I had 49 unread texts and cried because I wanted to answer all these people, I felt like a bad friend not responding. I just did not have any energy to pretend I was okay, and no words to explain that I wasn’t.
I didn’t have the words to communicate how I was feeling, and even if I could manage to piece something together, my brain screamed at me to keep it to myself - “no one wants to know, they have their own shit going on, they don’t care, you don’t want their pity, you don’t want their help, don’t reach out, just STAY HERE... please just stay here by yourself in this misery we have made for you.” Let’s talk about how this wasn’t the post I was planning for this years Bell Let’s Talk day. But it’s all I have energy to write.
So, thank you. Thank you to everyone who supports me and attempts to create a safe place for me when nothing feels safe. Thank you for trying to make me smile, for showing me love and kindness, for telling me through words and actions that they care about me. Thank you for continuing to reach out to me even when I don’t respond. Thank you for your patience, your humour, your love. - 11 minutes ago