#mybodyiskillingme

597 posts

Well it's official, I got an email from my rheumy saying they won't be refilling my #hydroxychloroquine AKA #Plaquenil prescription for the foreseeable future. 😶🥺😖😱😭🤬 I have enough for a few weeks and then I get to play the wait & see game - wait & see when my welts & reactions start up again; wait & see if it gets so bad again I have to go to the ER; wait & see what the damage internally will be. 
FUCKITY FUCK Fun times! 💩☠ #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem #gimplife #sarcoidosissucks #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicillnesslife

Well it's official, I got an email from my rheumy saying they won't be refilling my #hydroxychloroquine AKA #Plaquenil prescription for the foreseeable future. 😶🥺😖😱😭🤬 I have enough for a few weeks and then I get to play the wait & see game - wait & see when my welts & reactions start up again; wait & see if it gets so bad again I have to go to the ER; wait & see what the damage internally will be. FUCKITY FUCK Fun times! 💩☠ #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem #gimplife #sarcoidosissucks #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicillnesslife - 21 hours ago

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Can’t tell you how thrilling it is to have a disease that makes you want to end it all while simultaneously taking away your ability to actually put the effort to do so into action. ⁣
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Shoutout to my #rheumatoidarthritiswarrior family! Tell me what you do to try to manage your physical/mental/emotional health in regards to your illness 🧬🧬🧬💊💊💊 ⁣
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I was taking plaquenil but after having to go off for a surgery, the side effects when I restarted were to rough. I’m flying blind and need to get back on an AutoImmune Protocol diet and get back to moving my body in ways that help keep me strong. ⁣
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BONUS points for everyone typing with their nose because your hands are too swollen but you’ve resigned to the fact that you’ll die clutching your phone like the rest of us.⁣
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#AIP #whole30 #RheumatoidArthritis #RA #autoimmunedisease #autoimmuneprotocol #autoimmunewellness #rawarrior #rheumatoidarthritisawareness #wellness #carnivorediet #eatgreen #mybodyiskillingme #inflammation #whitewomen #joint

Can’t tell you how thrilling it is to have a disease that makes you want to end it all while simultaneously taking away your ability to actually put the effort to do so into action. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ Shoutout to my #rheumatoidarthritiswarrior family! Tell me what you do to try to manage your physical/mental/emotional health in regards to your illness 🧬🧬🧬💊💊💊 ⁣ ⁣ I was taking plaquenil but after having to go off for a surgery, the side effects when I restarted were to rough. I’m flying blind and need to get back on an AutoImmune Protocol diet and get back to moving my body in ways that help keep me strong. ⁣ ⁣ ⁣ BONUS points for everyone typing with their nose because your hands are too swollen but you’ve resigned to the fact that you’ll die clutching your phone like the rest of us.⁣ ⁣ ⁣ #AIP #whole30 #RheumatoidArthritis #RA #autoimmunedisease #autoimmuneprotocol #autoimmunewellness #rawarrior #rheumatoidarthritisawareness #wellness #carnivorediet #eatgreen #mybodyiskillingme #inflammation #whitewomen #joint - 1 month ago

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Thank God for my granny🤗 But she don’t play😷🥺 I have to hold a Lysol wipe while I’m riding in her car😔 #Y’allBeSafeThisFluAintNoJoke🥺 
#IWouldntWishThisOnAEnemy🤒😷🤧 #MyBodyIsKillingMe

Thank God for my granny🤗 But she don’t play😷🥺 I have to hold a Lysol wipe while I’m riding in her car😔 #Y ’allBeSafeThisFluAintNoJoke🥺 #IWouldntWishThisOnAEnemy 🤒😷🤧 #MyBodyIsKillingMe - 1 month ago

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Most of my health issues are interconnected... and also contradict each other. Many doctors have told me that it's all in my head. Even with a diagnosis I get treated like a hypochondriac or an addict every time I go to the ER. 
I KNOW MY OWN BODY. If I am telling you that it's a new pain, it's a fucking new pain. I've been living this hell for over 5 years. #IJustWantToBeHealthy #MyBodyIsKillingMe but by all means, tell me to go home without running any tests. (Not in the hospital rn, but was the other day and the doctor was a prick. "You know, the emergency room is for REAL emergencies, not just being uncomfortable." And I'm laying there in 8/10 pain, curled in the fetal position crying because it hurts so bad. "How do you even know that it's new pain." Dick)

#AutoImmuneWarrior #autonomicDysfunction @dysautonomiaintl 
#adrenalfatigue #BeautifullyDisabled #BreakTheSilence #CannabisIsMedicine #ChronicIllness #ChronicIllnessVisibility #dysautonomia #DisabilityAwareness #endometriosis #fatigue #GirlAlive #ImNotOkayToday #LegalizeMarijuana #MedicalMarijuana #MCAD #MarijuanaKeepsMeAlive #NotEnoughSpoons #naturalMedicine #PTSDWarrior #psoriasis #RescheduleCannabis #SpoonieLife #sickForever #serotoninDeficiency #ThisIsMyLife #TooManyDiagnoses

Most of my health issues are interconnected... and also contradict each other. Many doctors have told me that it's all in my head. Even with a diagnosis I get treated like a hypochondriac or an addict every time I go to the ER. I KNOW MY OWN BODY. If I am telling you that it's a new pain, it's a fucking new pain. I've been living this hell for over 5 years. #IJustWantToBeHealthy #MyBodyIsKillingMe but by all means, tell me to go home without running any tests. (Not in the hospital rn, but was the other day and the doctor was a prick. "You know, the emergency room is for REAL emergencies, not just being uncomfortable." And I'm laying there in 8/10 pain, curled in the fetal position crying because it hurts so bad. "How do you even know that it's new pain." Dick) #AutoImmuneWarrior #autonomicDysfunction @dysautonomiaintl #adrenalfatigue #BeautifullyDisabled #BreakTheSilence #CannabisIsMedicine #ChronicIllness #ChronicIllnessVisibility #dysautonomia #DisabilityAwareness #endometriosis #fatigue #GirlAlive #ImNotOkayToday #LegalizeMarijuana #MedicalMarijuana #MCAD #MarijuanaKeepsMeAlive #NotEnoughSpoons #naturalMedicine #PTSDWarrior #psoriasis #RescheduleCannabis #SpoonieLife #sickForever #serotoninDeficiency #ThisIsMyLife #TooManyDiagnoses - 2 months ago

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So started this again tonight ... anyone who hasnt tried it should try it , honestly it pushes you to ur limits and makes you sweat from places you didnt know you sweat from , its really good 
#3minutebellyblitz #workout #exercise #imdead #mybodyiskillingme #slimmingworld #foodoptomising #myslimmingworldjourney #speedfood #freefoods #syns #slimmingworlduk #healthyeating #ilovefood #weightloss #shredpounds #musclefood

So started this again tonight ... anyone who hasnt tried it should try it , honestly it pushes you to ur limits and makes you sweat from places you didnt know you sweat from , its really good #3minutebellyblitz #workout #exercise #imdead #mybodyiskillingme #slimmingworld #foodoptomising #myslimmingworldjourney #speedfood #freefoods #syns #slimmingworlduk #healthyeating #ilovefood #weightloss #shredpounds #musclefood - 3 months ago

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#autoimmunedisease #fibrosucks #ihatefibromyalgia #diabetes #diabetestype2 #mybodyiskillingme

#autoimmunedisease #fibrosucks #ihatefibromyalgia #diabetes #diabetestype2 #mybodyiskillingme - 3 months ago

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Spend Time With Those You Love. One Of These Days You Will Either Say, "I Wish I Had," Or "I'm Glad I Did." #youdecide#nevertoOldtoBeCold#views#thepicturesofthemonth#mykneeshurt#mylegshurt#mybodyiskillingme#butTheViewTho#skii#blessed#friends#snow

Spend Time With Those You Love. One Of These Days You Will Either Say, "I Wish I Had," Or "I'm Glad I Did." #youdecide #nevertoOldtoBeCold #views #thepicturesofthemonth #mykneeshurt #mylegshurt #mybodyiskillingme #butTheViewTho #skii #blessed #friends #snow - 4 months ago

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Today's high inside my house 91°F This is the face of blerg & bleeck it's all the fucking heat 🥵 #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #sarcoidosissucks #fibromyalgia #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicillnesslife #gimplife #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem #heatstrokeweather

Today's high inside my house 91°F This is the face of blerg & bleeck it's all the fucking heat 🥵 #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #sarcoidosissucks #fibromyalgia #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicillnesslife #gimplife #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem #heatstrokeweather - 7 months ago

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I've been really struggling for the past months with my overall physical health. Hence not much posting. I still haven't fully recovered from my short jaunt to London way back in July. And yes for the assholes muttering in the back, it really takes MONTHS for me to recover. Every little thing that I do, every single day, saps my energy & reserves. When I'm starting from such a low place (burned my energy reserves down to ~40% going to London), it takes forever for them to build back up. Right now I'd say I'm running at 60-65% of capacity, but still trying to do what I'd normally do at 75-85%. Que sera sera when you're dealing with #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicillnesslife #gimplife #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #spoonie #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem 
Since I'm running so low, it really bugs me when someone asks me how I fill my days, I just want to punch them in the throat (not that I do). 🙄 I get so tired of the implied judgement and all that comes with it. 💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕 You look better = you ARE BETTER
You are young = you should DO MORE
Your diseases aren't THAT bad = you are LAZY
Most people with your disease get better in X years or less = you are FAKING & LAZY
You can't be in constant pain if you can smile or be happy = you are FAKING

I've been really struggling for the past months with my overall physical health. Hence not much posting. I still haven't fully recovered from my short jaunt to London way back in July. And yes for the assholes muttering in the back, it really takes MONTHS for me to recover. Every little thing that I do, every single day, saps my energy & reserves. When I'm starting from such a low place (burned my energy reserves down to ~40% going to London), it takes forever for them to build back up. Right now I'd say I'm running at 60-65% of capacity, but still trying to do what I'd normally do at 75-85%. Que sera sera when you're dealing with #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicillnesslife #gimplife #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #spoonie #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem Since I'm running so low, it really bugs me when someone asks me how I fill my days, I just want to punch them in the throat (not that I do). 🙄 I get so tired of the implied judgement and all that comes with it. 💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕💩🖕 You look better = you ARE BETTER You are young = you should DO MORE Your diseases aren't THAT bad = you are LAZY Most people with your disease get better in X years or less = you are FAKING & LAZY You can't be in constant pain if you can smile or be happy = you are FAKING - 7 months ago

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New kitchen view. #yesimlayingonthefloor #mybodyiskillingme

New kitchen view. #yesimlayingonthefloor #mybodyiskillingme - 7 months ago

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Well it's almost time to go back to work. I start 10am tomorrow morning. 
I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and seeing all my residents again :) I'm dreading the rest but I'm going to take it an hour at a time and try not to get too stressed. .
This last few days I've been feeling much better. I've managed to socialise with a few friends, we mostly just sat around watching movies and I snuggled their pets and ate take away :p it's been really lovely. .
Oh and on Thursday I enrolled in college to do an 8 week painting course, I'm really looking forward to that starting in November. 
I'm going to try to keep forcing myself to rest like I have done this last few weeks. I expect so much from my body but dont always give it the time to heal. But if I want to live this crazy busy life I'm going to have to respect my limits. 
I'm 27 now, I think it's time to learn what my limits are :p#chronicpain #lifeisagony  #mybodyiskillingme #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder  #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety #learnyourlimits #limits #respectyourlimits #backtowork #goodweekend #chronie #spoonie #thatspoonlife

Well it's almost time to go back to work. I start 10am tomorrow morning. I'm looking forward to getting out of the house and seeing all my residents again :) I'm dreading the rest but I'm going to take it an hour at a time and try not to get too stressed. . This last few days I've been feeling much better. I've managed to socialise with a few friends, we mostly just sat around watching movies and I snuggled their pets and ate take away :p it's been really lovely. . Oh and on Thursday I enrolled in college to do an 8 week painting course, I'm really looking forward to that starting in November. I'm going to try to keep forcing myself to rest like I have done this last few weeks. I expect so much from my body but dont always give it the time to heal. But if I want to live this crazy busy life I'm going to have to respect my limits. I'm 27 now, I think it's time to learn what my limits are :p#chronicpain #lifeisagony #mybodyiskillingme #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety #learnyourlimits #limits #respectyourlimits #backtowork #goodweekend #chronie #spoonie #thatspoonlife - 7 months ago

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I always find resting hard. I beat myself up and get down on myself for being useless. 
But this past few weeks I've done really well. I've stayed in bed most days. I've barely cooked or cleaned, I'm usually a chore fiend when I'm at home. I've not pushed myself to walk the dogs. 
I've layed still, eaten soup, drunk plenty fluids, read a book, binge watched lots of TV and spent lots of time cuddling my dogs. It's been wonderful. 
I'm so proud of myself for allowing myself time to recover. I'm now at a point where I feel well enough to pick up my hobbies again :) I drew this picture yesterday and I actually love it. 
My pain hasn't gone and I am really really dreading going back to work because the pains just going to intensify. But it is what it is. I like the money and I have been missing my residents. 
#chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety

I always find resting hard. I beat myself up and get down on myself for being useless. But this past few weeks I've done really well. I've stayed in bed most days. I've barely cooked or cleaned, I'm usually a chore fiend when I'm at home. I've not pushed myself to walk the dogs. I've layed still, eaten soup, drunk plenty fluids, read a book, binge watched lots of TV and spent lots of time cuddling my dogs. It's been wonderful. I'm so proud of myself for allowing myself time to recover. I'm now at a point where I feel well enough to pick up my hobbies again :) I drew this picture yesterday and I actually love it. My pain hasn't gone and I am really really dreading going back to work because the pains just going to intensify. But it is what it is. I like the money and I have been missing my residents. #chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety - 8 months ago

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This past 2 and a half weeks have been hard. My medical anxiety has been through the roof, but for good reason.
I'd already been ill for 6 weeks and just pushed through. Then when I signed off work my body really shut down. I had to go to the Christie hospital and have my blood cultures done to check the status of me leukaemia, thankfully it's still in remission. I was tested for glandular fever because my glands swelled up so much I couldnt walk and my collarbones disappeared, but the tests came back clear. I lost a stone of weight in 4 weeks. I then got sick with a bacterial infection. I had ct scans, ultrasound scans and 3 more consultations with my doctors. We still dont know what caused it all but thankfully it's not cancer and I seem to be recovering slowly. I have a few more appointments lined up and people keeping an eye on me, but we think, as long as I take it easy, the worst is over. Thank goodness for that!!!!
#chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety

This past 2 and a half weeks have been hard. My medical anxiety has been through the roof, but for good reason. I'd already been ill for 6 weeks and just pushed through. Then when I signed off work my body really shut down. I had to go to the Christie hospital and have my blood cultures done to check the status of me leukaemia, thankfully it's still in remission. I was tested for glandular fever because my glands swelled up so much I couldnt walk and my collarbones disappeared, but the tests came back clear. I lost a stone of weight in 4 weeks. I then got sick with a bacterial infection. I had ct scans, ultrasound scans and 3 more consultations with my doctors. We still dont know what caused it all but thankfully it's not cancer and I seem to be recovering slowly. I have a few more appointments lined up and people keeping an eye on me, but we think, as long as I take it easy, the worst is over. Thank goodness for that!!!! #chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety - 8 months ago

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Out here balling in these streets yo!!!!! #MyBodyIsKillingMe #TenderBody #IceUpBro #WeBalledThough

Out here balling in these streets yo!!!!! #MyBodyIsKillingMe #TenderBody #IceUpBro #WeBalledThough - 8 months ago

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Yesterday was shitty day. Work was awful because my body hurt so much. The glands in my legs where so swollen I was limping. 
Everyone in there told me to go home but my manager refused to speak with me 3 times. I eventually went in to her office forcefully and said I'm really struggling and I'm not doing my job to the best of my ability and burst into tears. 
She wasnt very sympathetic but she agreed I wasnt doing a good job and we decided I should go off sick till I'm done with my hospital appointments and I feel a little more rested. 
I'm so happy to just get to stay in bed for a while and not force myself to function. I do find it really hard to just rest because I feel like I'm wasting time but now I have to. I have to let my body recover or it wont work for me the way I need it too. 
Bistos happy I'm staying home anyway, she taking a nap on my face...its really hard to type like this :p
#chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy #glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety

Yesterday was shitty day. Work was awful because my body hurt so much. The glands in my legs where so swollen I was limping. Everyone in there told me to go home but my manager refused to speak with me 3 times. I eventually went in to her office forcefully and said I'm really struggling and I'm not doing my job to the best of my ability and burst into tears. She wasnt very sympathetic but she agreed I wasnt doing a good job and we decided I should go off sick till I'm done with my hospital appointments and I feel a little more rested. I'm so happy to just get to stay in bed for a while and not force myself to function. I do find it really hard to just rest because I feel like I'm wasting time but now I have to. I have to let my body recover or it wont work for me the way I need it too. Bistos happy I'm staying home anyway, she taking a nap on my face...its really hard to type like this :p #chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy #glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety - 8 months ago

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Little bit of a health update, it's been a crazy month. 
I've been having some really odd symptoms for the last month or so. It started with vertigo and earache then turned into a sore throat, swollen glands, sore armpits and boobs, exhaustion, back ache, sore legs, stomach pains, pains in my ribs, blockages, green stoma output, more earache, tounge ache then migraines and vomiting. Literally every part of my face malfunctioned one piece at a time. 
I've been trying to see a doctor who knows me since it started and I've been unsuccessful. I've seen 3 doctors who dont know my medical history. None of them diagnosed me with anything but prescribed me 2 types of vertigo medications, diflam mouthwash, oral thrush medication and a strong antihistamine. One even tried to give me antidepressants. 
So today I finally managed to get in to see my oncologist. She was brilliant. She did a full body examination and has booked me a ct and ultrasound scan and suggested an MRI if they show nothing and my pain continues. Shes taken 2 sets of bloods and arranged a follow up next week. She also suggested that I could have glandular fever which would explain all my swollen glands and  arm/face pains. This will be confirmed by the blood test. 
Honestly I am so God damn grateful. Finally someone is listening to me and getting me checked over. I was literally on the brink of a mental breakdown and my medical anxiety was through the roof!!!
#chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety

Little bit of a health update, it's been a crazy month. I've been having some really odd symptoms for the last month or so. It started with vertigo and earache then turned into a sore throat, swollen glands, sore armpits and boobs, exhaustion, back ache, sore legs, stomach pains, pains in my ribs, blockages, green stoma output, more earache, tounge ache then migraines and vomiting. Literally every part of my face malfunctioned one piece at a time. I've been trying to see a doctor who knows me since it started and I've been unsuccessful. I've seen 3 doctors who dont know my medical history. None of them diagnosed me with anything but prescribed me 2 types of vertigo medications, diflam mouthwash, oral thrush medication and a strong antihistamine. One even tried to give me antidepressants. So today I finally managed to get in to see my oncologist. She was brilliant. She did a full body examination and has booked me a ct and ultrasound scan and suggested an MRI if they show nothing and my pain continues. Shes taken 2 sets of bloods and arranged a follow up next week. She also suggested that I could have glandular fever which would explain all my swollen glands and arm/face pains. This will be confirmed by the blood test. Honestly I am so God damn grateful. Finally someone is listening to me and getting me checked over. I was literally on the brink of a mental breakdown and my medical anxiety was through the roof!!! #chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy glandularfever #lowimmunesystem #medicalanxiety - 8 months ago

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I keep signing up for extra shifts at work. I dont know why. My body cant keep up and I keep almost having break downs. But I like money and I like being able to earn it despite the pain. 
But I do wish I could just squeeze this adorable chunky cuddlebutt all day every day...and also not have to wear underwear. Why does underwear suck so much. I buy the softest, largest, no metal and loose underwear possible and it's still too much. 
When I'm home I'm usually butt naked or in a loose long dress....why does work (and outside in general) require underpants and clothes!!!!
#chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy

I keep signing up for extra shifts at work. I dont know why. My body cant keep up and I keep almost having break downs. But I like money and I like being able to earn it despite the pain. But I do wish I could just squeeze this adorable chunky cuddlebutt all day every day...and also not have to wear underwear. Why does underwear suck so much. I buy the softest, largest, no metal and loose underwear possible and it's still too much. When I'm home I'm usually butt naked or in a loose long dress....why does work (and outside in general) require underpants and clothes!!!! #chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy - 8 months ago

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Here's a little taste of the cost to my body (not to mention mind & spirit) for all the fun I've been having. Some of these are pressure bruises from trains, taxis, benches, etc. Some of these are new #erythemanodosum AKA clusters of inflammation AKA granulomas. There are no days off, even on vacation, from #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicillnesslife #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem #gimplife

Here's a little taste of the cost to my body (not to mention mind & spirit) for all the fun I've been having. Some of these are pressure bruises from trains, taxis, benches, etc. Some of these are new #erythemanodosum AKA clusters of inflammation AKA granulomas. There are no days off, even on vacation, from #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicillnesslife #sarcoidosis #urticarialvasculitis #fibromyalgia #invisibleillness #butyoudontlooksick #todayilooksick #mybodyiskillingme #immunesystem #gimplife - 9 months ago

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Living in pain is hard work. 
Pretending you're ok at work, at home and in public is hard work. 
I'm struggling. My pain is too much and, as much as I love my job, I just want to leave....all the time. 
Socialising is fun and therapeutic but most of the time I just want to go home and lie still and silently accept my pain instead of forcing my body to push past it. 
I'm tired. I'm fed up and I'm a little bit miserable. .
But!! The money is needed and I do feel like I'm making a small difference to people's days. My residents make me smile and my man makes me feel loved and appreciated. So I'm probably just going to keep pushing till a doctor tells me to stop. .
Even though...I really really want to be able to retire...or not be in constant, full body, all consuming agony every second of the God damn day!! I really needed a moan. I'm fed up. You may continue scrolling. 
#chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy

Living in pain is hard work. Pretending you're ok at work, at home and in public is hard work. I'm struggling. My pain is too much and, as much as I love my job, I just want to leave....all the time. Socialising is fun and therapeutic but most of the time I just want to go home and lie still and silently accept my pain instead of forcing my body to push past it. I'm tired. I'm fed up and I'm a little bit miserable. . But!! The money is needed and I do feel like I'm making a small difference to people's days. My residents make me smile and my man makes me feel loved and appreciated. So I'm probably just going to keep pushing till a doctor tells me to stop. . Even though...I really really want to be able to retire...or not be in constant, full body, all consuming agony every second of the God damn day!! I really needed a moan. I'm fed up. You may continue scrolling. #chronicpain #lifeisagony #iamsofedup #mybodyiskillingme #whenwillitstop #painful #peripheralneuropathy #pudendalneuralgia #avascularnercrosis #prolapse #connectivetissuedisorder #toomanyillnesses #imbroken #chronicpainsurvivor #imtrying #ivegotthis #maybe #imtired #hipreplacement #totalhipreplacement #twotitaniumhips #transvaginalmesh #stoma #ileostomy - 9 months ago

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The 30 days challenge is a real one for me lol Every little steps are an achivement when you have been inactive for such a long time. Thanks to #ernstlaraquefitness my whole body is in pain but  at the same time it feels so good! Et dire que je suis uniquement à la journée 10... La partie la plus difficile c'est la constance. Constance dans l'entraînement, constance dans la nutrition et constance dans l'hygiène de vie en générale (se reposer, boire de l'eau, etc). Redéfinir ses priorités est essentiel lorsque l'on fait le choix de se remettre en forme. No excuses allowed! Even on the hardest days. Hier franchement j'ai touché mon premier creux. Même marcher me faisait suer (au sans figuré et réel lol)!! But this morning at least I felt alive again. 20 more days to go, mais j'ai déjà envi d'extensionner à 100 jours pour relever le défi d'Étienne. On verra ce que l'avenir me réserve. #constance #mybodyiskillingme #training #30dayschallenge #nutrition #bonnehygienedevie #boulay100

The 30 days challenge is a real one for me lol Every little steps are an achivement when you have been inactive for such a long time. Thanks to #ernstlaraquefitness my whole body is in pain but at the same time it feels so good! Et dire que je suis uniquement à la journée 10... La partie la plus difficile c'est la constance. Constance dans l'entraînement, constance dans la nutrition et constance dans l'hygiène de vie en générale (se reposer, boire de l'eau, etc). Redéfinir ses priorités est essentiel lorsque l'on fait le choix de se remettre en forme. No excuses allowed! Even on the hardest days. Hier franchement j'ai touché mon premier creux. Même marcher me faisait suer (au sans figuré et réel lol)!! But this morning at least I felt alive again. 20 more days to go, mais j'ai déjà envi d'extensionner à 100 jours pour relever le défi d'Étienne. On verra ce que l'avenir me réserve. #constance #mybodyiskillingme #training #30dayschallenge #nutrition #bonnehygienedevie #boulay100 - 9 months ago

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