When sadness and anxiety took control of my actions it led me into the darkest period of my life. What started my journey inward was a pain and tension that had become so loud within me that it started pouring out into my life as destructive behavior. I hurt myself the most when I fell into a constant hunt for pleasure, not realizing that I was actually seeking love and the inner peace that comes with happiness. Unprepared and unwilling to see what was inside of me, I found pleasure to be my great escape, this led me into using drugs to the point where I became incredibly unhealthy in my body, mind and relationships.
Never being able to find satisfaction in the sensation of pleasure, the downward spiral into misery eventually shifted when my body said enough. I felt so sick and out of balance that my life felt like it was drifting away. Realizing that I was on the edge, it hit me that I could still turn everything around and that I had the power to start moving in a different direction. The first instance of reclaiming my power was when I said no more to hard drugs and started saying yes to being radically honest with myself.
In the summer of 2011, I began to change my habits by focusing on healing my body through nutrition, exercise and by engaging with my inner turmoil through moving inward with honesty, compassion and courage. This helped me accept how miserable I was and how rebirth was possible. Slowly the new habits made me feel stronger, calmer and gentler with my own life and the lives of those around me. Starting to have love for myself showed me how similar we all are. In the summer of 2012 the deep healing started when I did my first silent 10 day Vipassana course, which helped me begin the process of releasing the patterns that limit my happiness and freedom.
My personal history has shown me one critically important truth: real healing is possible, but it does take courage and effort to build the habits that can create a new life. I am not fully free, there is much more to release, but I'm grateful to be here and on my way. Sending love to all beings. May we all be happy and free. 🙏🏽🌎 #yungpueblo - 3 minutes ago