Yesterday was hard.
As my children happily took baths and played in the water, I found my face buried in a tissue. Adam simply came up to me and said, “Come here,” as he wrapped his arms around me.
Some days, I feel like I have it all together as though self-isolation and homeschooling are no match for me. We get in memorable family time, I make new foods, and I find myself appreciating things I was too busy to notice before.
But not every day and especially not today.
I yelled, I pounded my fist on the table out of frustration, and I told my kids they were nightmares.
They fought over everything yesterday. When they weren’t fighting they goofing off as my second grader was supposed to be listening to school videos. My 4 k-er threw an epic tantrum over not being able to sit in my second grader’s spot at breakfast. My three year old threw herself on the ground and screamed for 20 minutes when my husband stopped pushing her on the swing even though she had been out the multiple times already.
From the minute they woke up to just before bedtime, it was a constant battle zone.
So when I saw them happily playing during their bath times, after all the screaming and yelling and crying and multiple time-outs, I broke down and cried. I cried hard. I felt like a complete failure.
But then a sudden thought came: I can’t be the only one who feels this way.
I can’t be the only parent out there who at times doesn’t know how much more he/she can take of this. I can’t be the only one who breaks down in their bathroom and feels like a complete mess. I can’t be the only one who feels like some days are wonderful with memories being made and other days I’d rather forget.
I can’t be the only one who feels completely overwhelmed.
That’s why I wanted to share this. It’s okay to not be okay. But it’s not okay to keep it bottled up inside.
These are very difficult, strange, and uncertain times. We have to talk about it- the good, the bad, the ugly, the messy. My feelings matter. YOUR feelings matter. And as a good friend told me the other day, “Don’t shut me out, shitbag!” 😉😘 We may be shut in, not able to have the luxuries and freedoms that we once had, but we - 17 minutes ago