I get comfortable in a state of being (maybe for a day or two) and damn; another area to examine in my life is presented. So much for comfort zones; which by the way, there is no comfort zone for me since becoming awakened.
This is my vulnerable truth: I deeply desire to trust that my body isn’t as offensive to someone as it is to me. Ouch. Double Ouuuuch.
That leaves me conflicted with being true to myself, and the truth is I want a romantic relationship in some other body. Not this one. That’s as deep a truth as it gets for me. I want the body I visualize myself as having. Yes, yes, I know. It didn’t get this way overnight, and so on. I know the talk.
Ever fantasize you can check into a “Body Shop” like one for cars and come back out with a body you can appreciate the rest of its years? I can’t express that desire without the knowledge that I am not living to my fullest potential and not giving life or love my best.
This one has been used without mercy, abused, violated and I’m uncomfortable. I haven’t taken care of it. I have hidden it under oversized, mostly man style clothing. I’ve not allowed my feminine passions seen too much (only in interior décor). The challenge: I will trust myself to believe someone will desire me, not just me for sex.
I want someone to show me what real physical love is, real love making. I want to believe them with all my heart when they say they want and love me (with no strings attached). I need this part of me to heal so I can experience the passion of being a woman with the proper intensity and attention I deserve. 🌹 Continues below - 1 hour ago