Food is a trigger for me, and I unintentionally pour that trigger into my son's life. Eat your lunch. Eat your dinner. Eat your breakfast. Eat the food. Eat it all. Eat everything.
I know it's intense and I feel the tension over it, but he doesn't usually eat his lunch and it bothers me.
I know it shouldn't. Kids will eat when they're hungry. Kids won't starve themselves. Kids know their bodies. And granted, my son is a fairly healthy boy of average weight and height. He has no allergies or health concerns. He's not even that picky about food. He is, though, picky about eating and my anxiety just can't have that.
He's also too busy to be bothered with eating the lunch aspect of his lunch, even if it is fruit and veg with cheese and crackers, as per his request.
It's a double whammy because he tends to get in more trouble when he hasn't eaten throughout the day, just like his mama. Nutrition helps regulate his wild ass so when he goes without, he becomes what feels like an impossible maniac. "People keep talking to me" he says. Being five, he hasn't fully grasped the concept of asking people to leave him, alone so he can eat. Nor can he keep his tiny body from responding to anything anyone does.
So most days, he eats his lunch when he gets home from school. Mind you, the hippy granola bars, homemade muffins, fruit pouch, and possible yogurt drink is gone. But the main course - cheese and crackers with fruit and veg - are left behind. And my anxiety can't have it.
Eat dammit! EAT!
An argument ensues, accompanied the exact same dialogue we have every single day. And no, I can't let it go. I just can't.
I worry he isn't getting enough protein, or iron, or calcium, or fibre, or anything else. Did I mention my son is fairly healthy? But my anxiety doesn't give a shit about that. My anxiety wants main course eaten above all. My anxiety wants to keep my healthy kid healthy. My anxiety doesn't know when to back off.
So here we are. Another day with the same story. Work in progress though, right?
I guess I can take comfort in the fact that he is healthy. Now if I cam just get my anxiety to back off. - 3 hours ago