TG: DAY 22 of 366 days of recovery - 17/02/2020. I binged watched the Netflix series of ATYPICAL until 5 am yesterday. They all went through their own struggles but I love how the show captured every character’s strengths to show the supportive system around one boy with autistic. It was heartwarming and makes me feel peaceful (even tho some scenes were quite chaotic😅)
You know when you look at yourself in the mirror and you feel sad for yourself?
It’s not like you have this urge to change your appearance or fix whatever the hell is going on with your life that makes you you, but you just take a moment to stare at yourself and think how tough you are that you are still here?
When I took a shower today, I felt calm but also sad. I wanted to cry but I felt like crying makes my already so boring break worse so I instead hugged myself very tightly. I gave myself some love. I did not like how my arm felt and my back with all the fats I gained made me feel chubbier. But I accept that. I sometimes binge on food to feel miserable or starve myself to try feel better but I also eat to release my stress and more than anything I eat to live.
My relationship with foods has been great. I gained a bit more than 6 pounds since September but I honestly don’t even care. I eat what I want (not when I want bc of cafeteria meal times) and I genuinely enjoy eating foods. I don’t talk a lot about food or body image on here because 1. I have another account where I just post pictures of what I eat everyday, and 2. I am really freed from those thoughts. Yesterday I was hungry but had no idea what I wanted and I ended up getting food that I did not want to eat but thought I should be eating. But today, I wanted to eat puffs so I went to buy them and they were delicious!
I don’t count calories, I don’t go grocery shopping to buy crazy amount of foods, I don’t skip a meal, I don’t feel sad about how much or how little I eat (because I eat normal) but I DO MISS eating healthy, warm, and comforting meals that are cooked for ME😭🤤❤️ - 3 hours ago