You are mad.
You never used to get mad-
Or at least,
Would slip on the gentle mask,
You were good at disguises.
Like dress-up, like the time I
Painted your nails and hid the
Wish I could scrub away you just as easy.
With acetone and a couple of cotton pads,
I’d banish you.
I have tried.
Tried to wipe you away,
Abstain from thinking of you-
Turns out that I can’t.
Turns out that all it gets me is
You, coming back,
Ten times the force,
Years down the line
And we’re here.
I may not see you in person,
‘Cept when I think I do,
But I dream of you,
I always wake up wanting to cry,
The tears that won’t fall from my eyes
Shed from my skin instead.
I wick away sweat,
Take several deep breaths,
And try to forget.
Forgetting is the worst thing I still do,
‘Cause at the end of the day there’s still gonna be you.
I think as long as you’re living,
I’m gonna live in fear.
Maybe when you die your ghost will live here.
Until that day,
I’ll see you in my sleep.
Sometimes there are others that I know.
Sometimes when you show,
I can’t separate you from my world now.
I don’t know how,
I see you and I can’t tell if it’s
Before, or after,
I just know my dream’s a disaster,
You scare me.
I don’t want to see you,
I close my eyes again.
And then I realise that,
Awake or not,
Eyes open or not,
You are here.
At least with eyes open I can
Scan the room for your presence.
The scariest of all
Are the times where I feel what I felt, before.
Before it happened.
Before I left.
Before I remembered.
Care. Then pity.
Then some uneasy inkling that something’s not right,
I fight to realise but it won’t come to mind.
Looking back, I should have known.
But maybe should is just hope, with nowhere to go.
I don’t know what’s worse-
Not knowing, and still knowing that it’s not as it seems,
Or knowing and living in this tragedy.
I guess I won’t sleep again tonight,
But that’s alright.
I’ll tell myself I’m not tired.
Like I told myself there wasn’t anything wrong.
#poem #poet #poetry #writtenword #writtenwordpoetry #writtenform #writtenpoetry #poetsofig #poetsofinstagram #poetryisnotdead #traumapoetry - 34 minutes ago